yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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