So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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