I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
