My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize