I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
