He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my sisters under your porch take her home
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
