you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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