proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
