Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
