Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
