i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
