WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
