He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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