just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
