He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
