anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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