SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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