If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
