Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Boobs are out for the taking
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
