I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
