It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
