I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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