You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
