I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
