Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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