At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
