He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
