There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
