Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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