I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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