god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
