Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
