CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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