I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
