Whatcha textin bout Willis?
false alarm. still invincible.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
