Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
