I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
