Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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