if you like me you must not know who I am
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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