I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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