I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
