I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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