He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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