Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
