We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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