sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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