I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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