Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
