You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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