so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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