five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
