There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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