Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
