She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
