Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
