every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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