I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
