Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
