Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
