Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
