i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
