I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
