I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
