SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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