OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
