how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
